“Dear John, it’s been ten minutes, I’m leaving you.”

We’ve all done it — settled in on the porcelain throne, phone in hand, scrolling away as the minutes ticked by. But here’s the thing: your body wasn’t designed for marathon bathroom sessions. Sit too long and gravity turns against you, trapping blood in all the wrong places, stretching out your rectum like a carnival balloon. Next thing you know — hemorrhoids, weak pelvic muscles, maybe even rectal prolapse. (That does not sound pleasant.) Doctors say to sit on the john for ten minutes max. If nothing’s happening down there, get up, walk around. And don’t forget to eat some damn fiber — oats, beans, a wool sweater if you must, whatever keeps things moving. And if you’re glued to the toilet day after day straining like a power lifter, pay attention, because if your bathroom habits feel like a battle, see a doctor. Bottom line (pun intended): when you gotta go, go. But ditch the phone. It’s a bathroom, not an airport lounge.

Image: R2 Studio/Vecteezy